I interned as an internal IT auditor for a large industry company that’s has more than 12 subsidiaries and over 2,200+ applications to support all business processes. During my internship I assisted on 4 engagements two starting from fieldwork to reporting and two from planning to reporting and I did assisted with some SOX work. I assisted with audit documentation data analysis, the last two engagements I was told to start running client meetings (which I didn’t like cause I just don’t like public speaking) so I was co-running meetings with other team members. I didn’t too much mind the work I did as a intern but I didn’t have a lot of interest in all of the formal/artistic way to writing documentation and the speaking to clients. I mostly enjoyed the data analysis and the actual testing which was what people may refer to as the ticking and tying (I guess cause I am an introvert). I was given a “favor” to stay with this same company as a permanent full-time staff internal IT auditor after a year of interning and I was told I would need to live up to high expectations if I accept the favor/offer. I didnt take the time to understand what “high expectations” really meant before accepting cause I was so excited and now I wish I did because now after accepting I have to take on senior responsibilities since this company traditionally only hires senior auditors not staff auditors but am not ready and if I say no then it will appear as though am weak and I think I am I just don’t want to be setup to fail. They only worked hard with upper level management to keep me cause of my passion for the field & I worked hard during the internship but that has recently changed. I feel that the experiences I gained from my internship is the starting point to be a first year staff auditor but definitely not a senior IT auditor. What brothers me the most is having to do the client-facing tasks because so far I have been making the dept. seem as though we’re incomponent due to not speaking concisely since I am trying to make sense of all the information I read about the client, the process they oversee, and relevant areas about the company and public speaking has always been a challenge for since elementary school and all through my graduate degree program. It’s only been 2 months of me accepting the full-time offer so I’ve only been in internal audit for a total of 1 year 2 months. However, am now starting to lose interest in this role cause although I appreciate the fast-track career progression I can’t keep up no matter how hard because the company is so large there is so much to know and even though my managers say to tell them whether it’s to much I get the feel as though they expect me still accept this situation or else I will be viewed as not being able to take on challenges. The past week I have anxiety about going to work the next day and I just stop eating cause i lost my appetite. I like the team I work with very nice people who worked hard to keep me and the hours are not to bad probably 45 hours a week tops and and maybe sometimes 3-4 hours on Saturday, I get an hour lunch and I don’t travel at all (which i wish I did cause I love traveling) but I feel as though I would be better of going into a IT role now since I am seeing my interest gearing towards computer networking. I am thinking after a few years after being in a IT role I would come back to auditing. It’s just that am afraid to leave since according to my managers it will be an insult to them if I left now because I wouldn’t be adding an value to a business from a controls perspective and I feel bad for thinking of leaving now since they did me a favor… If an IT opportunity comes along soon I want to take it but am scared. Any thoughts? And sorry if I sound confusing I have a lot going on in my head right now cause of this.
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